25 Random Insults and Comebacks
1. You: Your hair is messed up.
Person: Your brain is messed up.
You: At least I have one
2. It's funny, how a [guy, girl] like you can have such a tiny brain and still have a huge mouth
3. Man: Havent I seen you someplace before?
Woman: Yes, thats why I dont go there anymore.
4. Man: Is this seat empty?
Woman: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.
5. Man: So, what do you do for a living?
Woman: Im a female impersonator.
6. Man: Hey baby, whats your sign?
Woman: Do not enter.
7. Man: If I could see you naked, Id die happy.
Woman: If I saw you naked, Id probably die laughing.
8. Youre so slow it takes you an hour and a half to watch Sixty Minutes.
9. I don't think you are an idiot, but then what's MY opinion against everyone else's?
10. I hear the only place you're ever invited is outside.
11. I don't know what makes you so freaking stupid, but it really works!
12. If we were to kill everybody who hates you, it wouldn't be murder; it would be genocide!
13. I dont know everything. I just know more than you.
14. Why don't you slip into something more comfortable...like a coma.
15. Nerves of steel, mind of lead.
16. I don't consider you a vulture. I consider you something a vulture would
17. I thought of you all day today. I was at the zoo
18. He is YOUR god, they are YOUR rules, So YOU burn in hell.
19. I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.
20. Lepers avoid you. You are vile, worthless, less than nothing. You are a weed, a fungus, a ferment, the dregs of this earth. And did I mention you smell?
21. You tell enough white lies to ice a cake.
22. Do you want me to accept you as you are, or do you want me to lie to myself and try to like you?
23. This is an excellent time for you to become a missing person.
24. I would have liked to insult you, but the sad truth is that you wouldn't understand me.
25. Diarrhea of the mouth; constipation of the ideas.