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Literature Text
25 Random Insults and Comebacks
1. You: Your hair is messed up.
Person: Your brain is messed up.
You: At least I have one
2. It's funny, how a [guy, girl] like you can have such a tiny brain and still have a huge mouth…
3. Man: Haven’t I seen you someplace before?
Woman: Yes, that’s why I don’t go there anymore.
4. Man: Is this seat empty?
Woman: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.
5. Man: So, what do you do for a living?
Woman: I’m a female impersonator.
6. Man: Hey baby, what’s your sign?
Woman: Do not enter.
7. Man: If I could see you naked, I’d die happy.
Woman: If I saw you naked, I’d probably die laughing.
8. You’re so slow it takes you an hour and a half to watch “Sixty Minutes.”
9. I don't think you are an idiot, but then what's MY opinion against everyone else's?
10. I hear the only place you're ever invited is outside.
11. I don't know what makes you so freaking stupid, but it really works!
12. If we were to kill everybody who hates you, it wouldn't be murder; it would be genocide!
13. I don’t know everything. I just know more than you.
14. Why don't you slip into something more comfortable...like a coma.
15. Nerves of steel, mind of lead.
16. I don't consider you a vulture. I consider you something a vulture would
eat.
17. I thought of you all day today. I was at the zoo
18. He is YOUR god, they are YOUR rules, So YOU burn in hell.
19. I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.
20. Lepers avoid you. You are vile, worthless, less than nothing. You are a weed, a fungus, a ferment, the dregs of this earth. And did I mention you smell?
21. You tell enough white lies to ice a cake.
22. Do you want me to accept you as you are, or do you want me to lie to myself and try to like you?
23. This is an excellent time for you to become a missing person.
24. I would have liked to insult you, but the sad truth is that you wouldn't understand me.
25. Diarrhea of the mouth; constipation of the ideas.
1. You: Your hair is messed up.
Person: Your brain is messed up.
You: At least I have one
2. It's funny, how a [guy, girl] like you can have such a tiny brain and still have a huge mouth…
3. Man: Haven’t I seen you someplace before?
Woman: Yes, that’s why I don’t go there anymore.
4. Man: Is this seat empty?
Woman: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.
5. Man: So, what do you do for a living?
Woman: I’m a female impersonator.
6. Man: Hey baby, what’s your sign?
Woman: Do not enter.
7. Man: If I could see you naked, I’d die happy.
Woman: If I saw you naked, I’d probably die laughing.
8. You’re so slow it takes you an hour and a half to watch “Sixty Minutes.”
9. I don't think you are an idiot, but then what's MY opinion against everyone else's?
10. I hear the only place you're ever invited is outside.
11. I don't know what makes you so freaking stupid, but it really works!
12. If we were to kill everybody who hates you, it wouldn't be murder; it would be genocide!
13. I don’t know everything. I just know more than you.
14. Why don't you slip into something more comfortable...like a coma.
15. Nerves of steel, mind of lead.
16. I don't consider you a vulture. I consider you something a vulture would
eat.
17. I thought of you all day today. I was at the zoo
18. He is YOUR god, they are YOUR rules, So YOU burn in hell.
19. I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.
20. Lepers avoid you. You are vile, worthless, less than nothing. You are a weed, a fungus, a ferment, the dregs of this earth. And did I mention you smell?
21. You tell enough white lies to ice a cake.
22. Do you want me to accept you as you are, or do you want me to lie to myself and try to like you?
23. This is an excellent time for you to become a missing person.
24. I would have liked to insult you, but the sad truth is that you wouldn't understand me.
25. Diarrhea of the mouth; constipation of the ideas.
Literature
Funny Sayings
1. Evil is 'Live' spelled backwards.
2. Tradgedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die.
3. When all else fails, read the instructions.
4. Save the Earth! It's the only planet with chocolate!!!
5. Don't you just hate it when you are waiting for the bus and someone asks, "Has the bus come yet?". If the bus came would I be standing here?
6. If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the Up button.
7. On the other hand, you have different fingers.
8. Children really brighten up a household - they never turn the lights off.
9. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first, and call whatever you hit the
Literature
A Lot Of Funny Little Sayings
1. You have ONE advantage over me..... You can kiss my ss (https://www.deviantart.com/ss) and I can't!
2. Tradgedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die.
3. You only live once...but if you live it right, once is enough.
4. If your heart was really broken, you'd be dead, so shut up.
5. When a smurf is choking, what color does it turn?
6. The nice mean are ugly, the handsome men are mean, and the nice and handsome men are GAY!
7. When life hands you lemons, alter their DNA, and make SUPER LEMONS!
8. Boys are like lava lamps, pretty to look at, but not very bright.
9. My imaginary friend thinks you have serious problems...
10. A
Literature
30 more random sayings
1. Death is lifes way of telling you youre fired,
But suicide is your way of telling life you quit
2. Boys are like lava lamps... fun to watch, but not to bright
3. Im not short Im just unusually not tall
4. Dont annoy me...
Um running out of places to hide the bodies
5. He said: I dont know why you wear a bra. You got nothing to put in it
She said: you wear pants dont you
6. If at first you dont succeed.....
Redefine success
7. Im the type of girl who burst out laughing at something that happened yesterday
8. Im not racist....
I hate everyone equally
9. Smile...
It mak
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Since 25 Random Sayings did so well, I made this one up. I'm thinking of making a 25 series of different things.
Okay so I didn't come up with any of these, but I did go to all the trouble of looking them up on google, sorting the funny from the just plain mean, and putting them in a word doc. Very hard work.
Sorry if these insult you, but thats kind of what they're for. I tried to keep them not too mean, and I picked only the ones that made me laugh so hard I snorted.
The last one is my favorite.
Okay so I didn't come up with any of these, but I did go to all the trouble of looking them up on google, sorting the funny from the just plain mean, and putting them in a word doc. Very hard work.
Sorry if these insult you, but thats kind of what they're for. I tried to keep them not too mean, and I picked only the ones that made me laugh so hard I snorted.
The last one is my favorite.
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Comments92
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14, 19 and 23 are my favs.