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:icondear-dire-heart: More from Dear-Dire-Heart


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July 25, 2009
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25 Random Insults and Comebacks

1. You: Your hair is messed up.
Person: Your brain is messed up.
You: At least I have one

2. It's funny, how a [guy, girl] like you can have such a tiny brain and still have a huge mouth…

3. Man: Haven’t I seen you someplace before?
Woman: Yes, that’s why I don’t go there anymore.

4. Man: Is this seat empty?
Woman: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.

5. Man: So, what do you do for a living?
Woman: I’m a female impersonator.

6. Man: Hey baby, what’s your sign?
Woman: Do not enter.

7. Man: If I could see you naked, I’d die happy.
Woman: If I saw you naked, I’d probably die laughing.

8. You’re so slow it takes you an hour and a half to watch “Sixty Minutes.”

9. I don't think you are an idiot, but then what's MY opinion against everyone else's?

10. I hear the only place you're ever invited is outside.

11. I don't know what makes you so freaking stupid, but it really works!

12. If we were to kill everybody who hates you, it wouldn't be murder; it would be genocide!

13. I don’t know everything. I just know more than you.

14. Why don't you slip into something more comfortable...like a coma.

15. Nerves of steel, mind of lead.

16. I don't consider you a vulture. I consider you something a vulture would
eat.

17. I thought of you all day today. I was at the zoo

18. He is YOUR god, they are YOUR rules, So YOU burn in hell.

19. I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.

20. Lepers avoid you. You are vile, worthless, less than nothing. You are a weed, a fungus, a ferment, the dregs of this earth. And did I mention you smell?

21. You tell enough white lies to ice a cake.

22. Do you want me to accept you as you are, or do you want me to lie to myself and try to like you?

23. This is an excellent time for you to become a missing person.

24. I would have liked to insult you, but the sad truth is that you wouldn't understand me.

25. Diarrhea of the mouth; constipation of the ideas.
Since 25 Random Sayings did so well, I made this one up. I'm thinking of making a 25 series of different things. =D

Okay so I didn't come up with any of these, but I did go to all the trouble of looking them up on google, sorting the funny from the just plain mean, and putting them in a word doc. Very hard work.

Sorry if these insult you, but thats kind of what they're for. :XD: I tried to keep them not too mean, and I picked only the ones that made me laugh so hard I snorted. :D

The last one is my favorite. :D
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:iconsomeonespecial17:
SomeoneSPECIAL17 Featured By Owner Mar 14, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Some more???

1.  Your birth certificate is an apology from the condom factory

2.  Shut up, you'll never be the man your mother is

3.  You must have been born on a highway because that's where most accidents happen

4.  Your family tree is a cactus because everyone in it is a prick

5.  If you were twice as smart, you'd still be stupid

6.  Do you have to leave soon? I was about to poison the tea

7.  Do you know how to tell when you're lying? Your lips move

8.  Roses are red, violets are blue, god made me pretty, what happened to you?

9.  I'd ask you how old you are, but I don't think you can count that high

10.  Your so ugly when you popped out the doctor said aww what a treasure and your mom said yeah lets bury it

11.  
If you really want to know about mistakes you should ask your parents
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:iconcigamekac:
cigamekac Featured By Owner Jan 29, 2014  Student General Artist
daaannng.... I will keep these in mind XD
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:iconjustforage:
JustForAge Featured By Owner Nov 21, 2013  Hobbyist Photographer
lmfao priceless XD
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:iconpigletsmall:
pigletsmall Featured By Owner Jul 30, 2013
Amazing
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:iconadewdewk:
Adewdewk Featured By Owner Jul 2, 2013
Lol number 14
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:iconbrittanymyers13:
BrittanyMyers13 Featured By Owner Jun 27, 2013  Professional General Artist
I love number 23. I thought these were hilarious!
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:iconmingxingyao:
MingXingYao Featured By Owner Jun 3, 2013
LOL
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:iconcpluto444:
CPluto444 Featured By Owner Mar 14, 2013
I love this...
Reply
:iconmingxingyao:
MingXingYao Featured By Owner Jun 3, 2013
I adore your profile picture by the way~! (^u^)
Reply
:icondear-dire-heart:
Dear-Dire-Heart Featured By Owner Mar 14, 2013
*Laughs* It is pretty cool, huh? :]
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